Contraction Traction, What's Your Action?

This Blogpost was written by Tiffany, Surrogate Mother

So excited to be blogging during my 24th week of pregnancy!  It's amazing how much better you feel each week - safety wise- for the babies!  At first you just want to make it to week 12.  At week 12 your risk for miscarriage goes down drastically.  And although anything can still happen, every week these babies are in here is a bonus!  They are so strong.  Unfortunately I am still throwing up but it is about every other day now.  I have been working and resting lots.  I have done about 31 photo shoots and 9 weddings during this pregnancy.  My clients have all been a blessing. They have been very understanding of me being sick, and working as hard as I can.  I have been truly blessed.

We went in on Wednesday for the 24 weeks ultrasound and the twins looked amazing!  Both babies were growing at 24 weeks right on schedule. Their heart rates and weights were perfection, exactly where they should be.  Something amazing happened while we were there, James and Natalie were able to feel their sons move for the first time ever!   My husband was right there and video taped the moment. I for sure teared up.  I have been feeling them very early for almost 12 weeks now and each day they get stronger and stronger and I have been hoping for a while that James and Natalie would get to feel them and it finally happened!  My belly (uterus) is growing at a lovely 35 weeks!   No wonder so many people come up to me in pubic and say "Wow, you are about to give birth ANY second!"  

24 weeks with the twins. I am sucking in.... okay fine, not at all.....

My Braxton Hicks started last week.  Maybe one or two a day, nothing worth noting.  I increased my fluid just as a precaution and my ultrasound from Wednesday showed a nice long cervix with no signs of labor. On Saturday, we drove from Bellingham to Seattle, I had a wedding the next day at the zoo.  Well, the whole trip down my contractions started becoming 10 min apart until they were 3-5 minutes apart.  They were VERY mild, but the fact they were so frequent made me call my doctor after about 3 hours of consistent contractions.   They wanted me to go in to be checked, just in case.  They said that it was much too early for the twins to be born, and although it does not sound intense right now, it could easily turn that way and it's much better to be seen so they can stop the labor if need be.   We went to Swedish Hospital and checked into the OB triage unit where they were amazing!  I told them how silly I felt since I KNEW my body was not in labor, but of course wanted to be safe.   I was there for about four hours with the babies on the monitors. They were doing perfect.  Although I was contracting the entire time I was there, I was not dilated and they felt pretty confident about releasing me after monitoring and checking.  We left around 3am and the contractions continued until about 6am then finally slowed.  I just feel them now a few times a day and feel so much better after going in!  Still feel silly about going in, but overall very glad to have eased my mind and James and Natalie of course.

I have been getting a lot of questions lately about my connection to the twins and if I would ever do this again knowing now how hard it has been (since I have been so sick).  I would love to address both of those now! :)     

Honestly, I do not feel as connected to the twins as I have with my previous children.  I don't know how I feel about that yet.  Part of me feels very guilty, as though I don't love my nephews enough.  Although I DO love them!  So much!  Another part of me feels satisfied, as though I should feel exactly how I do.  I am unsure and a little fearful to admit these feelings.   I am not sure what normal is here.  I am not sure this is a "normal" situation.  I hope in the end, I will have a different connection with them than I have my own children, and that I don't try to escape to Mexico with them.  :)    

Speaking of, let's peek in on how cute they are this week! 

As far as would I do this again?  I have given this a LOT of thought.   No, I will not do surrogacy again, but that was never the plan to do this again. The plan was to do this just one time for my brother.  But would I repeat this choice, knowing now what I know?  Knowing how hard it has been on my family, knowing how much I have missed of my children, my own life, my marriage?   It took me a long time to come to this conclusion and my answer is yes.  Yes I would make the same choice.  Because without that choice, these children, these little babies, would not exist in this world.  I am sure there were many hard decisions that led up to our own existence in this world, and many hard times our own parents had to face in order to get us here.  For those hard times, I am grateful.  For THESE hard times, I am also grateful. Some challenges in life are just that, challenging and hard.  I signed up for this and although I may not have known everything about it, I can only hope I am strong enough to get through this a better person than when I started.  This process is changing me in so many ways.  So many ways I am grateful for even though it has been hard.   So yes, yes I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Maybe with more ice-cream involved :)

As always, thank you for following and sharing our story with others!  We love getting all your emails and Facebook messages and hearing about your journeys as well.  It really does keep us stronger. As you may know, we are filming a movie on the whole process.  We have been on borrowed equipment and are needing to fund this movie now. It takes a LOT to make a movie. We need to pay for crew, equipment, sound, music, storing, backing up etc.   We need your help!  Anything you can give to fund our movie helps!  Really, even $1.  You know it all adds up.  We have loved sharing our story and want to continue to tell this story about love and family, surrogacy and the medical side to IVF and the struggles we face to build our families and meet the children we have only dreamed about. 

Here is the link to our campaign.  Stop by, watch our video and be apart of our movie! 

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/531690258/a-belly-for-me-a-baby-for-you

Here is my youngest showing me how proud he is of his OWN baby in his belly, warms my heart! 

“Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.”

Warmly,

Tiffany

Surrogate Mother

We Need Your Help!

As most of you may know, we have been filming our entire journey.  My husband has a beautiful eye for film and has been working very hard at capturing what we can.   Unfortunately we have been renting and borrowing equipment, and not having it ready at hand, we are missing great shots to be filming.  We need equipment, we need to pay our crew, pay for sound, music fees, storage and back up etc.  It costs a lot to make a film! 

Here is where we need your support!   By financially backing our film, you are helping this project to be made.  You are making it possible for us to continue to tell our story! 

We have launched a campaign at KickStarter, which is an amazing platform for creative projects to go to and seek their funding.  

Please head over to our campaign, we have lots of awesome rewards if you back us, including the digital download of the movie and even some adorable baby onesies!      

If we do not meet our goal by the end of the deadline, we get NONE of the pledged money.  SO it is really important that you back any amount you can and share with your friends and family! 

Thank you for all of your support!  Here is the link to our campaign:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/531690258/a-belly-for-me-a-baby-for-you

Because of You

This blog post was written by Tiffany, Surrogate Mother

Blogging while being sick has been harder than I thought! So here comes a lovely update.    

I want to take some time to talk about you, the reader.  The people who have been constantly coming forward with their supportive words, prayers, thoughts and stories.  Your stories have brought us all together. I feel as though we are all a part of an intricate web, sewn together delicately; intertwined by our life experiences.  The positive words you say, give great strength in both Natalie and myself: neither side is easy.  Carrying twins and being sick is no easy task.  Being the mother and having to let your babies be carried by someone else, also, no easy task.   We have signed up for something very challenging but have been overwhelmed by the response, by the love and support from family, friends and complete strangers.

So many of you have been down heartbreaking paths. You have had the courage to speak up to us, to reach out and share your stories.  To break the silence that haunts those suffering from infertility and those that ache to grow their families but cannot.  I know it has opened my eyes into this new world of fertility issues and the pain and challenges that come along with it.  This journey has been so eye opening on many levels, but mostly the comradery between the women has been mind blowing.   Often times, we hear how catty women are, how gossipy, drama filled etc. they can be.  This has not been my experience with women.   Many of you have sent supportive emails, letters, packages, even maternity clothes! One of my clients (someone I would love to call a friend after what she did) sent maternity clothes and a note that said, "It takes a village to raise a child, in this case, a metropolis!"   Which I could not agree more.    The support you have all shown is awe inspiring, brings tears to my eyes and renews so much faith.  

This process is HARD.  But it is also beautiful, and wonderful and I don't know how I could get through this without the support of my metropolis. I am inspired by all of you.  I feel like the luckiest surrogate in the world to have such amazing, positive feedback coming in from all these women, mother's, daughters and yes, even the men! 

Because of you, I have the strength to keep sharing. Because of you I have the strength to stand tall and push through the hard times.  Because of you, I don't feel as alone.  Because of you, I truly do feel inspired.  

Thank you for your continued support in this very challenging time in our lives.   I would love to share with you an email I received from my girlfriend's mom.  She sent this to me when I was having a really hard time being so sick, missing my time with my children, my friends and family and feeling so alone. Of course, I cried like a baby as I read this:  

"Although it seems like it, you are never alone. You alone feel the nausea, the other discomforts, all the things you cannot do which you want to get done. I was only allowed to get up for trips to the bathroom, and a 5 minute shower once a day. I so wanted to go outside, but my outside was limited to the view out my bedroom window. When all of this is over, I bet you will have a new appreciation of the smallest little things, like a walk in the sunshine without feeling sick. Your act of sacrifice for these two little people will change your life forever. You are not alone, because every woman who has negotiated a difficult pregnancy is walking along with you spiritually, and we've got your back. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug and tell you there are better days ahead. You are creating miracles! Today is another victory in the making. You are not alone."

This process has been hard, and I wish so much it was easier, but it is a sacrifice on many levels, and no matter how hard it is, I would never change it.  I am so honored to be in this position.  I am fearful that me speaking of my being sick and how hard this is will come across as complaining, when I simply just want to update people.   We are very lucky with two healthy growing babies right now.  I am counting all of our blessings. 

Thank you again for having the courage to speak up, for being the light in the dark times, for always reaching out.  You have made a difference.  The twins are growing amazing, I am entering my 21st week and they are moving like crazy!  Baby B is almost always the first to wake, and he kicks so much until he wakes Baby A and they start their dance. It is truly a miracle.  

Here are some photos of the 20 week check up, they are growing a few days ahead of "Schedule."  My belly is measuring at week 29... here we go! Also check out the video clip of the babies!  

Warmly,
Tiffany

"No one can whistle a symphony.  It takes a whole orchestra to play it."  ~H.E. Luccock

Video of the twins at 20 weeks:

Official Movie Trailer Teaser!

Our official movie trailer teaser is up on Youtube!  This will give you a sneak peek into what we have been up to.   So proud of my amazing husband who has been taking care of me, our boys, working AND filming this documentary!    

Thank you so much to the Head and the Heart for giving us rights to use their beautiful song in the second part of the trailer!

Gender Reveal!

This blog post written by Tiffany, Surrogate Mother


Today was an exciting day!  We were able to get an ultra sound done in hopes to find out the genders of the twins!  I am only 16 weeks pregnant so it is a little early, but the babies cooperated and we were able to see!      Check out the photos, one balloon for each baby.....

Thank you for following and sharing our story. As always, we love hearing your stories as well, so feel free to email us anytime.

Warmly,

Tiffany

Surrogate Mother

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.

- Alexander Graham Bell

Lump Watch 2012

This blog post written by Tiffany, Surrogate Mother

First of all, I am so sorry for our absence lately. This pregnancy has really been giving us a run for our money with how sick I have been.  Everyone has been so helpful with helping us with our kids so my hubby can work, we have the best friends and family! Natalie, James and Hunter have been able to come up and take care of us and of course my dear husband is so great at taking care of me (he is making me seconds on my dinner as we speak!).  I have been doing "okay", although I am still throwing up each day.  I am gaining weight, getting nice and plump, ready for winter in six months. Yessssss.  I am hungry and nauseous all the time but this past week had some breaks!  I joked today that I am writing two books about this pregnancy, The Hunger Pains and 50 Shades of Puke.  I know.  I'm ashamed.

I was for sure never this sick with my last two pregnancies.  I keep hearing that the high levels in hormones from twins, plus all the surrogacy medication I was taking play a big role. I am almost to week 13 and finally finished with medications, maybe that is why I have had some breaks in feeling sick these past few days? Or maybe because I am in second trimester, or maybe I am used to it?  hahaha no.    Someone asked me since I have been so sick, if I regret doing this now.  I don't regret this, but I guess a part of me was hoping the pregnancy fairy would ease up on me this time around!   The good news is, or so "they" say, that the sicker you are, the healthier those babes are.   So we welcome those old sayings in this house!  Stay focused on the good to get through the current sickness. We are getting closer to the goal.

Onto more exciting things!    How about a belly picture? Many of you have been asking and I wanted to do a nice high quality one but never felt well enough.  Apple PhotoBooth it is!   I really wanted to call today's post: Bump Watch 2012, but I've been honest so far, why stop now?  I have a lump/bump for a belly right now.  I'm so ashamed!   From the weight gain while on the medication prior to the embryo transfer, a lot of the weight went to my belly. A lot.   So now, I have a little baby bump underneath a nice layer of lump.  The bump is pushing my lump/fat out, adding a good 3 inches making me look further along than I truly am!    The top part is nice and hard and the bottom is still.... developing.... hahaha.    At any rate, here is the growing lump/bump that is housing two little angels! 

Photo Taken Wednesday June 13, 2012 at 9:15pm  

12.5 weeks pregnant with the twins

 We had an 8 week, 10 week and 11 week ultra sound, everything was beautiful!  I will share photos and a video from our 11 week where the twins are just amazing.  Truly amazing how much they have grown and look like little humans.   Baby A is on the lower right if you are looking at me, and Baby B is on the upper left.  I am thinking Baby B is a boy and Baby A is a girl.    What do you think? Can you tell by the way a woman carries? Can you tell by the heart rates?  Heart rates are below and we would love to hear your guesses on the genders!


First here is an AMAZING VIDEO of the twins:




And now for some adorable photos!

I just want to say again how grateful we are for all the emails, comments, and support that has been flooding in.   We keep blogging and sharing because so many of you have come forward to share your stories of infertility, or stories of your loved ones.  Your stories have broken and warmed our hearts. So many strong women out there who are struggling.  We want you to know you are not alone, and we are so grateful to be connecting with all of you.  Thank you for your support.  The filming of the movie is coming along so nicely and we have a trailer coming up in a few days for you! 

One last update, CNN will be airing our story and interview this weekend on Saturday 4:30pm EST (1:30pm PST) and Sunday 7:30am EST on the Dr. Gupta Show.  We are excited! Hope you can tune in!

Warmly,

Tiffany

Surrogate Mother

"Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has ordained that you shall live."

Marcus Aurelius

Some Exciting News!

This blog post written by Tiffany, Surrogate Mother


First things first, let's get to our big announcement we have been waiting to share:   A CNN producer was so touched by our story that she spoke with CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta who wanted to learn more.  Dr. Gupta and his team will be telling our story over the course of the next year on his show, Sanjay Gupta, MD which airs on Saturday afternoons and Sunday mornings.    Since we have already been filming our documentary on this, we were more than happy to continue to share our story in hopes it reaches more women (and men!) affected by fertility issues and also, those curious about surrogacy.  Really excited as my husband can share his footage from our movie with them. Filming for CNN should start in a few weeks, we will keep you posted for sure!  

An update on the twins!  Today's 8 week ultra sound went amazing, both babies had grown and are exactly where they should be with really strong heart beats!  It was such a relief to see them in there and growing so well, we got to see their little head, yolk sacs and even little arms forming.  It was really so beautiful and comforting.  Here are some lovely drawings, courtesy of Baby Center, of what is developing in the twins so far, an up close of a singleton and a drawing of twins both at 8 weeks.  And yes, that is EXACTLY what my butt looks like right now. 

Here are James and Natalie's twins, ultrasound from this morning at 8 weeks:

I have been still so very sick.   I have tried all the natural items I can think of, from preggie pops to ginger gum, ginger tea, seabands, morning sickness spray, the bean diet, and more.   Unisom seems to help control the barfing, so I can keep food down and get nice and plump.   But I have 24/7 nausea and in bed all day.  I am ready to hit week 12 with fingers crossed the nausea train will leave this station stat!   The good news is, each time I lose my lunch, or as my grandpa used to say, toss my cookies,  I know those babies are growing nice and strong inside of me.  I have just a few weeks left on my medications, Estrace, Estrogen Patches and Progestrone and then the pregnancy can sustain on it's own.


We are "graduating" from Seattle Reproductive Medicine, today was our last appointment with them.  Although that is great news because we are pregnant and healthy, we are sad to leave out team that we have been working with for over a year now.  Dr. Paul Lin and Lindsay Wood have been the most amazing team working with us through the loss of the last embryos, to the joy of this pregnancy.  They really felt like part of our family and we were sad to say good bye but so grateful for all they did for us!    We loved ALL of our team at SRM and will miss doing this with him.


Once again, thank you for following, for all your letters and stories.   Your stories and words of encouragement have been so amazing during this journey.   We are happy to have you along with us! 


Warmly,
Tiffany 


We opened a twitter account today!  How cute!  Click to follow: