The Babies Are Here!

This blog post written by Tiffany, Surrogate Mother

Sadly, I don't have much energy to write a full blog post today, or even correct the typos, but will give some small updates until we can write out the big day of the birth.

Readers digest version, my water broke about 2:15pm on Friday, November 9th 2012 - the exact day the babies turned 34 weeks gestation.  I was in the middle of doing a 24 hour urinalysis, collecting urine for 24 hours to test to see if I had pre eclampsia (high blood pressure and swelling led my doctor to think I may). We arrived at the hospital around 3:15 and James and Natalie made it around 4:30.  The babies were born shortly after, via vaginal delivery, no epideral (although I did finally call for one and he was about to put it in when Baby A came out, more on that later).   Parker was born at 7:30pm weighing 4lb 14 oz and 18 1/4 in and Levi was born at 7:42 weighing 4lbs 3.9 oz and 17 1/2 inch.

They have been in the NICU fighting strong to eat.  Natalie has been pumping her breast milk and was even able to nurse Levi at one point.  They both needs strong thoughts right now, or if it's prayers you do, you can do that too.  They are sleeping lots but need to be holding down some food soon.   Since they were only 34 weeks, they still a ways to go and are not out of the woods yet.

I lost 1,000 cc's of blood during delivery and tore in some fun places (more on that later), and ended up having severe pre eclampsia. I do feel pretty sick and very weak, but I also feel on the mend.  I am still in the hospital and waiting to see the doctor today if she will let me go home.  I love being taken care of by this amazing staff but I also miss my boys so much and would love to go home soon.

As a result of being so sick, I have not see the babies yet!   I was able to see Parker very briefly during delivery as James was holding him next to me when I delivered Levi, but if was so fast.  I tried Friday and yesterday several times to go to the bathroom and then hope to go to the wheel chair to go see them but have been too sick. We are hoping today my body will let me and I can be wheeled into the nursery to see my nephews, the little men I grew for the past 8 months.

I will write more of the full birth story later and updates on the twins when I am not so weak.  Thank you everyone for all the comments, emails, messages, meal train, love, prayers, thoughts,  We have been joyously overwhelmed by this community that has given us so much strength.   

Also thank you to my amazing husband who has been taking care of the kids alone for so many months, working, taking care of me, and then filmed the whole birth, sound, film etc, handled the updates and phone calls with friends and family AND still stood my side when I was sick and needing him during one of the craziest births ever.   He needs a champagne bubble bath STAT.

In the mean time, I am so happy for James and Natalie to have their two new sons in the world to love and raise.  It's going to be an even more amazing journey than this one.

Some photos taken by my amazing friend Jen Martin Studios  after the birth, more to come later.

James, Natalie, Sean, Hunter and Tiffany all together after the birth of the twins.

8 months Pregnant Already!

This Blog Post written by Tiffany, Surrogate Mother

We are in the home stretch! Although neither me or the babies have much room for stretching! We have made it to 33 weeks and are just thrilled. My biggest goal is to get to 34 weeks so the babies can be born here in town. Otherwise I will have to be transferred to Seattle or the babies will after they're born. I have been contracting (Braxton Hicks) inconsistantly for a few weeks with some increases these past few days. Nothing that feels like labor. A few of the contractions have kept me up at night, but then they drift away. I am still throwing up and still sick, but I get more breaks here and there where some days, although nauseous, I don't throw up at all!  Lucky!  Afternoons are typically easier on me. I am still working (photography) and I have had the most amazing clients willing to work around my morning sickness.  We have found that if I sleep through the sickness in the morning, and work all afternoon and night, it is not that bad and for sure more bearable. 

The babies are growing perfectly. At their 32 week check up, they were measuring about 4 lbs each and around the 50th percentile which is incredible news; not too big, not too small! Baby A (the first baby due to come out) is a little ahead of the curve though: his head is measuring 34 weeks. Ha ha! Great news is that both babies are head down and my doctor is going to allow me to try a vaginal birth. Fingers crossed for that when that time comes!

Here are two updated photos of these beautiful boys! Both babies received 3D ultrasound photos but only Baby B was willing to cooperate, Baby A kept hiding behind the cord or moving too much.

Today I went to see a photographer friend of mine, Brea Bursch who owns CYE Photography. She did an AMAZING photo shoot of my belly. At first I was unsure if I wanted to do "maternity" photos, since these are not my babies. I never did them with my first, and a friend of mine did some in-home ones of our second that we loved. The more I thought about it, the more I thought - why not? I would love to remember my body during this journey as I carried these two little miracles, and I was super excited at the idea of getting my make up done and doing my hair like a fairy queen. Here is the photo from today that I just cannot stop looking at! My friend Brea is so talented, feel free to pin this photo and check out the rest of her work on her page!

In other news, we have something wonderful to share. Natalie has been taking supplements to produce breast milk for the last few months and it worked! She has been pumping and storing and has 40 + frozen bags ready to go. This means she will get to nurse her babies when they get here. How special to be able to have that bond! I will still pump and donate either to Natalie (if they get low) or to a local family up here that needs the milk.

Lastly, people are asking me a lot how I am feeling now that the end is near and if I am ready or sad. It is a little bittersweet for me, as this is my last pregnancy and I have enjoyed being a surrogate.  Since I am still throwing up and still sick, I am getting ready and excited to have my body back. I am mostly just so excited to see James and Natalie's faces when they meet their two babies they have been longing for. I think it will be one of the most incredible moments to witness and I have been really looking forward to it. I am looking forward to healing at home, visiting with friends, re-kindling my love life with my husband and love bombing my two sons to infinity and beyond.

As always, thank you so much for following our story and for all your kind supportive words. We feel so blessed to have such an amazing community of people in our corner during this journey.

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” 
― Ernest Hemingway

Warmly,

Tiffany Burke

Surrogate Mother

Enjoying the Moment?

This Blog Post Written by Tiffany Burke, Surrogate Mother

This is a little off topic from the surrogacy story, but I feel compelled to write about it.   It starts out a little controversial but hopefully will end on a good note.

A photo was brought to my attention the other day that made me stop what I was doing and rethink a lot of things.  The photo (pictured below) is of a newborn baby, just minutes old, snuggled up on mom's chest.  Both mom and dad are on their phones... texting (or Facebooking... or... working?).   Neither is looking at the other, or the baby.  They are plugged in and updating people.   I was initially really mad at the parents. How can they not be living in the moment? How can they just be on their phones so quickly?  Could updating their friends and family really not wait a few moments? They are missing one of the best parts of life.   Watching their child take its first breaths, counting fingers and toes, touching the skin that feels like air.... I didn't understand. What could be more important than being with their baby?  After more thought, I started to feel like there is some sort of pressure and obsession in society today to over connect, to be too plugged in.  To update everyone ASAFP (As Soon As F-ing Possible) when something exciting (or not exciting - pictures of our food) in our life happens.  

I started to think about all the other places I have been lately where people are too plugged-in, mostly on their phones.  We all know texting and driving is a big issue...I won't even get into that now.   But I was at my son's swim lessons a few weeks ago and the majority of the parents were texting/FBing or whatever it is they do on their phones.  I can't count the number of times my son looked up at me with a smile on his face to see if I was watching him with his new swim moves. The rest of the parents were just missing it.  Missing their little lives, their little moments. At the park a few weeks ago, a dad was texting the entire time he was pushing his little girl on the swing.  At one point, she flipped off the swing and got hurt. One of the biggest places I see over plugged-in people is at weddings. As a wedding photographer, I have pretty much seen it all. At a recent wedding, a lady was in the back of the church on her phone reading the news (photo below).  In the middle of the vows.  Okay, seriously?!  She was missing it all. People are taking photos with their phones and posting and tagging so instantly, it's almost as if the wedding is streaming live online. It's one thing to be grabbing fun photos (I get it, I do it for a living and love having those moments as well) but it takes time to upload to your social media, tag, comment, like etc. and it is really pulling us away from the moments happening right in front of us.  A wedding is one of the most beautiful moments you can witness, really getting to watch two people who love each other, as they become "one" and celebrate that love.  It actually is a cool experience and many people are so busy taking photos or updating their status that they are missing the actual event and the actual moments.  I would love to see people take the photo they want (or trust that the wedding photographer will get the photo) then put the phones and cameras away and live in the moment.

Now, before I sound like I am on a soap box here (possibly too late and I am sorry if it is too late), let me remind you how guilty I am as well for being too plugged-in.  Although I do not own a smart phone (in fact, currently NO cell phone and loving it), I am really plugged in online.  My job requires a lot of online attention and we do share our surrogacy story very openly online as it is happening, while filming and, at times, photographing it.   I am guilty of saying to my kids, "One more minute..." while I finish emailing clients, or tagging them in their sneak peek.  Just as I was writing this blog post, my seven year old came up and begged me to read him one chapter in Adventures According to Humphrey.  How could I say no?   Of course I stopped blogging and went to be with him.  This is not always the case when it comes to my work and deadlines and sometimes, just plain old goofing off on Facebook and getting lost in the time-suck that it is.  I am involved in WAY too many FB groups, all of which I keep telling myself serve a great purpose in my life (and they do ... but also, really? Do they?), but they suck time from me and I want to start breaking free more. Why do I have to be online so much?

In the defense of those stuck online, on phones and plugged in too much, I think everyone needs time off from the real world.  Time off from the responsibilities required of us and sometimes being plugged into our phones or ipads or computers provides us with that "zone out" time.   We get to zone out but still feel connected, we can read a great story online, or feel not as alone by connecting with a blog.  We can catch up on our friends lives through their updated photos and travels using Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. We can share recipes on Pinterest. Perhaps the dad at the park was a single dad, and played one on one all day with his little girl and now that she was finally sitting still, on the swing, he was able to have a moment during the day to text?  I have no idea. I really don't want to judge myself and others too harshly, but I do want to bring to our attention that I feel too many of us are guilty of being too plugged-in and missing some really amazing moments in this fabulous life we have all been given.

So what is the answer?   Quit the social media world cold turkey?  Stop texting as much?  Stop updating? Have designated online time for yourself (not more than 30 min/day)?  I don't have the answers, but I had an idea that may encourage everyone to find their OWN personal solution.  

I have asked my readers to send in real, raw, emotional moments caught on camera from their lives. I asked for photos taken by them or taken professionally.  Now ironically, these moments were caught on camera or phone and then shared now online on a blog - PLUGGED-IN!  I know, I know.  But these images needed to be seen and shared. I think the images speak for themselves about all the amazing moments out there that we are missing by being too attached to our phones and social networking.  Take the photo, capture the moment, post later.  By all means, take the photo!  Of course!  Or you can hire someone else to take those pictures for you (as many people did in the photos below and, no, this is not a shameless plug for hire\ing professional photographers).  If you hire someone else, you can LIVE in your moment and have the photo for later, best of both worlds.  Or have no cameras at all and just live in the moment. Whatever you decide, maybe it's time to stop being so plugged in during the moment.  Your Facebook status can wait, the moment cannot wait.  You will NEVER get this moment back, ever.  Breathe it in, enjoy those tiny fingers and toes, take in an extra snuggle before work, listen to the silly story your child is telling you, listen to the rain.  You don't know if this will be your last moment with the people you love, or if it will be your last moment period.  Don't chance it anymore.   Everything else can wait.  The people on Facebook who read your status updates can wait another day. 

I received over 100 photos in the span of 24 hours, and it was really hard to narrow them all down.  So many images touched my heart.  With the help of my adoring husband, we narrowed down the top images we hope make an impact on you. I hope they inspire you to stop what you are doing online or on your phone and start living in the moment.  These images captured below are big and small events in life that I wish we could all drink up. Make sure you read the captions for even more depth to each story.  Also, thank you to everyone who sent in images, I was overwhelmed with joy and genuinely loved them all!

I would love for you to comment below if you feel we as a society are too plugged in and not enjoying the moments anymore. Are you personally too plugged in? Also feel free to comment below about what image touched you and why! 

Warmly,
Tiffany Burke
30 weeks pregnant with surrogate twins.

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” 

― Eckhart Tolle



Moments You Don't Want to Miss:

A mother is hugging and loving on her children, not even aware that dad has snapped the photo.

Tori, who has cerebral palsy, was enjoying the summer heat when an unexpected hose spray came from her step dad.  Photo courtesy of Catch the Light Photography.

After a yearlong deployment, CPT Tsilianos, returns home and is greeted by his wife, Tara, who says tears of joy overtook her breathing the moment she saw him.

Mother, Jodi, holds her son, baby Kash, for the first time, 9 days after his birth.  After 6 years of infertility, their IVF cycle was successful. Their son Kash was born at 34 weeks with complications that put him in the BC Children's NICU for 3 months, including his first Christmas. This photo was taken after 2-3 surgeries he had already gone through.  He was a fighter.

A groom sees his bride for the very first time on their wedding day. His emotions are priceless.  Photo courtesy of Michelle Newell Photography.

Mother, Laura, holds her baby girl, Penelope, after having a home water birth.  Her husband, Thoren kisses his wife while crying with joy.

Baby George squeals with joy as he goes down a slide. A simple pure moment of enjoying life.

Little Eilleillwy holds her newborn sister, Bloddueth, very protectively.  Since the moment Bloddueth was born, Eilleillwy was very protective over her and they had a very strong sisterly bond.  Sadly, baby Bloddueth passed away 7 months later.

Siblings, (from left to right) Charlyse, Saraya, James, and Patrick, enjoy a summer afternoon playing cricket together.  James is 8 years old and has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. It's a genetic muscle-wasting disease that is both incurable and terminal. Most boys die in their teens. He is transitioning from standing to a wheelchair full-time, so playing games like this is becoming more difficult, and eventually he won't be able to do anything but watch as the disease ravages his body and finally his heart. But that won't stop his family from making sure he lives an amazing life and experiences as much as possible.

Mona stares adoringly at her dad, Henri, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer shortly before this photo was taken. He really wanted to make pancakes but he was too tired to stand at the stove, so they brought a dining room chair in for him to sit on. You can see Mona's cheek is packed with pancakes.  Sadly, Henri passed away 7 months later. 

Little Ellesha cries at the wedding of her mother, as the groom was giving his vows. He was saying how he would love Ellesha as his own, for now and for always. Not ever having a father until now, Ellesha cried with joy and so did the entire room.

An intended mother, watches as her baby is born via surrogacy.  Photos courtesy of surrogate, Didi Perry, and her awesome daughter who captured the moment!

A father, Evan, is reunited with his daughter, Lauren, after being deployed for 8 months. 

Mother, Autumn, holds her baby girl, Everbee for the first time after her at home water birth.

Chrystal and Rebecca sneak in a loving moment before they walk down the aisle for their wedding.  Photo courtesy of Maria Alexandra Photography.

Little Emma received her first hair cut ever. She wanted to surprise her brother and cousin and this is their reaction, their "first look" at her new cut.  She cut off over 6 inches which is a big deal for that age!  Photo courtesy of Amanda Kay Photography.

Little Grant acts like a typical little boy in an airplane heaven, soaring through the airplanes, just being a little boy and enjoying the moment.  Photo courtesy of Evantide Photography.

Father, Adam, meets his son, Noah, for the very first time since being deployed. He gazes down with joy at his beautiful son.   Picture courtesy of Evantide Photography.

Life is Happening

Hospital visit again, Broken Down Car on the freeway, Missing a wedding? Okay.. that's enough....

This blog post written by Tiffany, Surrogate Mother

Let's start with the most important part, the babies.  Baby A and Baby B have been very active and strong in utero.  I have loved feeling them move and wake each other and "dance."  They love music.  At seven months pregnant (27 weeks), I can pin point their wakeful times of the day usually to the hour.  Typically, Baby B is the wild child. He is the mover and shaker and loves to wake up Baby A.  He is the one most people can feel (and see!) from the outside. 

On Friday night, I drove from Bellingham to a friend's house in Maple Valley (about two hours).  The following day, I was scheduled to photograph my last wedding of the season in Olympia (another hour south of where I was staying).  A good friend, and fellow photographer, Todd Atchison had agreed to be my second shooter for the wedding, so I stayed with him and his wife, Lindsay, (one of my best friends) on Friday night.   I arrived around 9pm and stayed up chatting with Lindsay until about 1am.  When I went to bed, I realized, I had not felt Baby B move all day, and not since Thursday evening.  I became concerned and tried several positions for over an hour to get him to move.  Around 2am I posted in my Surrogacy group for advice. Was I being too paranoid? Was this normal for twins?  I stayed awake until 4am with no luck of getting him to move.  I slept in and out, waking every 20 min or so trying to get him to move.  By Saturday late morning, it was time to call the doctor.  I felt silly, but all my surrogate sisters had said it was better safe than sorry and for the peace of mind I should probably get checked and many of them had been in my position before.   The on call nurse insisted I head to the nearest hospital to Labor and Delivery so I could be checked out, as Baby B could be in distress.  At that point, I was a little worried.  It had been so long since I had felt him, and I was trying not to worry.   I called my brother and let him know that everything was okay, but they just wanted to check.  They said they would meet me at Tacoma General Hospital.  I felt so and for them, I did not want to scare them, even though I myself was worried and I knew they would worry too.  Natalie told me later she felt like throwing up.  :(

It was now about 11am and I had to be at the wedding at 1:30pm to start photos.  I have never missed a wedding and started to panic a little about this.  My second shooter, Todd, owns his own photography company and he offered to start the photos until I was able to get there.  He drove me to the hospital and took off for the wedding.  I met James and Natalie (and Hunter too!) in the waiting room.

I was anxious to be checked and make sure everything was okay and get back to the wedding.  Of course it takes FOREVER, but the staff was wonderful.  We were able to hear the heart beats right away which was VERY reassuring. And of course, once hooked up to the heart beat monitor, Baby B started to wake up and be more active. Of course.  I was so happy to feel his strong kicks but felt a little sheepish.  

Photo of the heart rate monitors checking on the twins:

Now, lots of people have asked me "How can you tell who is who?"  This is a great question that I did not know before carrying twins.   Each baby implants to part of your uterine wall and stays there.  Whichever one implants a little lower, is Baby A, as typically (in most cases) baby A is born first.  They stay there during your pregnancy.  Every now and then I cannot tell who is who if the kick/punch/kung fu twirl is in the middle.  Other than that, it is very obvious who is moving and where they are.  

While listening to the heart beats, I made plans of escaping.  I wanted so desperately to be at the wedding now that I knew Baby B was alive and well and punching me.  However, the doctors had other plans.  They wanted to see his heart rate increase by 10 for 10 seconds. Twice.  Baby A had already completed the task and we were just waiting for Baby B to jump on the band wagon.  Their heart rates were both averaging around 143 beats per min (this is normal for their gestational age). They wanted to see Baby B's heart rate jump 10 beats, up to the 153 range and hold their for 10 seconds. This would indicate normal neurological activity.  Now I am sure there is some medical professional out there shaking there head at my explanation, so I will have to double check that my "terminology" is right, but bear with me for now as the weekend has been crazy!  Baby B had already done this once, so we were feeling pretty confident he would do it again. He was just taking his time.

Can I show up to the wedding in my hospital gown?  How much longer do I have to stay?

Baby B FINALLY cooperated and the doctor felt satisfied and I was discharged!   He said it was great I came in, if Baby B had been in distress, they would have had to take action and it is better to check than to wait.  Overall, I was happy too.  

I was able to make it to the wedding, just over two hours late and busted it out the best I could!  It was an adorable wedding.  I cried at least three times, especially when the father of the bride gave his speech and started to cry.   That gets me every time!  The couple was so understanding about my absence and Todd did an amazing job while I was gone. I was very grateful for him. The bride and groom have been clients of mine for a while and it was such a pleasure and honor to be able to photograph their wedding.  They are so very, truly in love.  I loved watching them on their big night, the way they looked at each other, touched other, snuck in sweet kisses.  Weddings always make me miss my husband.  

Here are some photos from last night's wedding:

After the wedding I was excited to drive home and see my family. However, my body had other plans.  Todd drove us home and I threw up most of the way.  Poor Todd!   What day for him.  I was so very sick, I spent the night at their house again.  Since I had barely slept the night before, I was able to sleep fairly well after the long day I had.

I finally drove home this afternoon.  I got in the car and was so excited to go home to be with my boys.   I called one of my dearest friends, put the phone on speaker phone, stuck it in my shirt and drove home, catching up with her about life, struggles, love, loss and much more.  I was so happy to be catching up with her, and not worrying about anything else.  Then.... the car started to slow down... on the freeway...  oh my gosh, what was happening? I  pulled over and it died.  It had had trouble starting this morning and yesterday, it's an old car, but usually never fails like this! Well, since I am an AWESOME mechanic, I was able to diagnose the problem almost instantly:  it just needed a little more gas.  Apparently cars these days are super sensitive, if you are way below the E, it will no longer run.  Strange right?   So after feeling like and idiot, and being 40 miles from home, two of my friends came to my rescue.  One was on her way to a photo shoot and could not be late, so she dropped off a delicious organic brownie and some water while the other brought gas!  I have great friends who put up with my shenanigans.    Next time, I will look at the gas tank before heading on a two hour trip.  Talk about feeling sheepish!  

Overall, I am happy to be home! I was able to color and paint with my boys tonight. Tomorrow I will see the doctor for a check up since my blood pressure was a little high on Saturday (which it never is), I also had trace amounts of protein in my urine, some extra swelling and we can also check babies one more time.  The babies have been moving and kicking like crazy again and are back to their regularly scheduled program. 

Don't forget to support our movie, we cannot finish filming without proper funding and it takes a lot to make a film!  We have a lot of people to pay, which is great for jobs for local people and great for us because they will help us make a great film!  Donate here, we are running out of time and every little bit helps, we are almost out of time: 

Warmly,

Tiffany Burke

Bigger and Better!

This Blogpost Written by Tiffany Burke, Surrogate Mother

As I am nearing my 27th week of pregnancy, I am getting bigger and better!   I am only throwing up every few days!  Although I am still nauseous each day, I do feel like a new person versus where I was at week 8 or week 14.  I'll take it!  I am almost back to my normal self where I truly enjoy my second trimester.   Oh my gosh, am I still in my second trimester?   Or am I in my third?   Wow, I better go look that up!  Time flies when you are pregnant with twins.   Here is a little bump photo of those two precious boys.

I posted a picture on our Facebook page today that struck my heart really hard.  One of the reasons I have been so publicly open about this blog, this movie, the fertility drugs, our failed first attempt and so on, is because so many women have had to suffer silently with their infertility issues.  Over the last year and half, after starting the blog, I have learned these issues come from the mother's eggs, the mother's uterus, the mother's health condition, the father's sperm, money (not enough money to do IVF), age, and more.  So many factors play a role in these women's lives when they are trying so desperately to conceive a child.  It's never simple, it's never an easy fix, it's never just one thing.  And it's a lot of heart ache.   I have learned by listening to you.   So many readers have sent in their stories, every day I read a new story that brings me to tears, pulls on my heart strings and opens my mind even more.

As I have mentioned before, I was anti IVF. I never gave much thought to surrogacy or what it involved, but if I was anti IVF I must have been anti surrogacy.   I thought if you could not have children naturally that you needed to adopt.  Perhaps this came from being adopted myself, and my own yearning to adopt.  I just assumed everyone else should be on the same page.   After Natalie lost her uterus, and after listening to her thoughts, it was like a switch went off inside of me.  I started to think about all my friends who had a hard time conceiving, and my family members.  I started to think about how they must be feeling as I pranced around the world bragging about being fertile Mertile.  Always thinking I was making fun of myself for being able to get pregnant the first time each time, when in reality, I was probably hurting those women around me.  I was not ever thinking about their feelings, their miscarriages, their still borns, their hope to see a positive pregnancy test. This is hard for me to write.  This is hard for me to admit how selfish I was in my own thoughts. Who would think that way?   I am admitting it very publicly that I did. I am not proud, yet ashamed.  How could I have not thought deeper about this issue?  I had never walked that path or known that kind of pain, but where was my compassion? I never even asked.  I was afraid.  When my friends were trying and never getting pregnant, I was afraid to ask. I was afraid to ask how they were feeling after their miscarriage. I thought it was unspoken for a reason.  I didn't want to pry or bring up more pain. I always thought if they wanted to talk about it, they could.  Why didn't I make the compassionate move?  I still don't know entirely, but I am changed forever now and hope that my friends and family who are struggling know they are NOT alone.  I hope I have the strength to reach out to those who need it and I am so happy to have shaken my prior, judgmental self.  I'm sure she existed for a reason, but she is not currently missed. 

I saw this photo the other day and posted it to our Facebook today asking followers to tell us what they think and feel when they see this photo:

The comments have been amazing.   I love when people come forward and speak openly, and candidly, especially on a subject so many women feel they have to be quiet about.   Here is what one reader wrote:  

"This was one of the many things I would think of when we were originally told we'd never have our own children. sounds silly but it would really bother me when women would complain about little things like this, when i wish they would realize how lucky they are to be able to experience a pregnancy and having children.  After going through infertility for 3 long years and then IVF to conceive our twins, I think I went through every emotion in the book."

We started talking and I told her how I used to feel and she wrote back, "Yeah I totally know what you mean! I am a twin myself, and growing up my sister & I always joked about how we were "natural twins" and ivf twins were "fake twins" lol ~  it's funny being on the other side of the table and having to do IVF and now im having those "fake twins" HAHA its crazy how infertility changes your entire perspective!"

She's right.  It is crazy how infertility changes your perspective.  

How has infertility changed your perspective?   

We are so blessed that this pregnancy with the twins worked after the second try.  I feel very blessed.  I feel like our experience is just the tip of the iceberg of fertility pain.  Your stories continue to change me, open my heart and mind and I hope my compassion is felt.   Your stories have made me a more loving mom.  I always considered myself someone who counted my blessings, but I for sure hug my babies more, kiss them more, tell them they are loved more.  Which I already did so much before, I am sure they are getting smothered right now. I don't even care.  I'm a smother mother right now and proud of it!  

I'm not sure entirely what else to say here. I just wanted to write out some of my thoughts about the pain others have been feeling and encourage us all to keep an open mind.  We never know someone else's struggles, even if they tell us, it's not the same.   I hope together we can all keep open minds and hearts and be a little bit more compassionate to others' feelings. 

Here is something I wrote down at the beginning of  this journey and try to read each day: 

Everyone is having a different life experience than you.  Because of that, what they can see and think can vary drastically from you.  This is where an open mind and compassion can build a bridge to better understanding each other.  Hopefully from that, we can learn from each other and possibly have more acceptance in all areas of this life.

Off to swim lessons with the little humans.

Warmly,
Tiffany Burke

The Movie

This blog post was written by Tiffany, Surrogate Mother


Before continuing to read, we would love for you to take a look at the trailer for the movie, A Belly For Me, A Baby For You:






Why Film?

Our goal is to help educate people on this world of surrogacy, infertility and to stop the silent suffering from all the women and men out there who have ached to be parents and hit constant emotional speedbumps along the way to their family planning.   For every 100 mean comments on an article, we are receiving incredible emails from women who are feeling strength from our story, no longer feeling alone and feeling inspired.  We don't want surrogacy to be considered bad or weird.  Just like adoption should not be.  People plan and make their families in all different ways now.  When there are loving families and parents for children to grow up in, I just don't see what all the negative fuss is about.    I hope our story continues to reach the people it needs to. Including the negative, judgmental ones.  You never know who's mind you may open by speaking up about something so controversial.   

As a reminder - I used to think that if you can't have children naturally, you should adopt. I was adopted, two of my brothers were and I have always ached to adopt. My husband and I will be adopting through foster care after the surrogacy.  But, I had never been on the other side, I had never heard the hearts of these mothers.  I had never taken the time to understand or to even listen. I just thought "my way" of thinking was the righteous one. Walk a mile in someone's shoes, then make up your mind.  I never thought I would believe in IVF or surrogacy, let alone be a surrogate!  The world is a very interesting place when you choose to open your mind and see it from another person's perspective. 

With all the mixed feedback coming in from the CNN article, it has motivated me even more to get this film made.  We know we can make a beautiful film that shoes the ups and downs of surrogacy, infertility and the ins and outs in a medically accurate way.  We still have lots left to film, lots more interviews and of course, the birth.

Keep scrolling down to see the latest Q & A's. 

Thank you to all of those with your words of encouragement during this time.  

Warmly,
Tiffany