Tuesday, February 7, 2012

If at First You Don't Succeed...

This blog post written by Tiffany, future Surrogate Mother

This is not the blog post I was hoping to write today. I write today's blog with sadness and hope.   The blood work came back today for the pregnancy test and I am not pregnant. The embryos did not take. :(   I actually was shocked when I was told. The phone rang and I thought great news was on the other end.  It was like those scenes in the movies, you hear the first words, "I'm sorry...."  and the rest turns into white noise and you are suddenly miles away watching this unfold.   I tried not to cry, and I blame the hormones for my abundance of tears. I squatted down, holding back what tears I could and listening to her say, "It's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault.  This is part of the process, sometimes it doesn't take..."    I had no idea how I was going to tell Natalie.  I called my brother crying and told him I felt so bad.  He was so sweet and said the same thing, it's no one's fault.  He called Natalie for me.  Sean, my husband, has been so sweet during this, it must be hard for the boys to take care of their emotional wives sometimes.

I had no idea I would feel this kind of sadness if it did not take. I feel the most sad for James and Natalie as I know how much they want this child.   You put so much energy, both physically and mentally into this type of process, and although it is not 100%, you still hope for the best. I stopped all hormones today, and will let my body have a natural cycle and then get ready to go again.  None of the other embryos from the first retrieval made it, so we will have to go through another egg retrieval with Natalie.  Natalie and I were saying we are old pros by now, let's try again! 

Honestly, I am really sad. I have cried a lot today, and just feel a little like I failed and a lot of sadness.  But, truly I believe everything happens for a reason, and although this is not the outcome we were hoping for, we will remain positive and hopeful that this process will work and James and Natalie will get the baby they have been dreaming for.  We will keep moving forward, together as a family and this sadness we feel today will not stay with us for long.

"March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path."
Khalil Gibran

Thank you for reading.
Warmly,
Tiffany

10 comments:

  1. I was sad to hear this news but so proud of you both for staying strong and continuing to have hope in the one who gives life!!! Praying for you all as you continue on this journey!! BIG HUGS & cheering you on all the way!!! XO

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  2. It will happen. I know it will. Much love to all of you.

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  3. I am so sorry to hear that the embryos did not take. I know that journey all too well. My oldest daughter is the result of 4 IVF's. 3 failed IVF's and I thought I was done. We pushed through one more and my daughter is here with us today. And another miracle daughter followed and she was conceived naturally. Please give my love to your brother and sister in law. Tell them to keep hope in their hearts. Hope is what carried me through those years. hugs to you today. My fellow Tiffany Burke :)

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  4. It will happen, don't beat yourself up over it. I'm so sad that she has to go through another egg retrieval. But it will be worth it in the end! Praying for you guys!

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  5. We all have failed cycles and it feels awful. All you can do is try again. It will happen. Hang in there.

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  6. Tiffany! I cried when I first started following this story...I have cried through the whole thing, and no doubt am crying now. I will be praying for you and your brother and sister in law, and for your whole family for that matter. God Bless you Tiffany!

    -KaetheJo Binder

    Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't work. It's so hard, and I cried when I read this, remembering my hopes and dreams and how it felt when I heard that "no." Let yourself be sad, let yourself cry, then try to find hope. We're all rooting for you guys!

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  8. I'm so sorry :( I've been through 2 failed cycles, so I know the exact feeling you're going through. It's so hard and no one can tell you differently. Let your emotions do what they need to do, then remember that you have a support system that's going to allow you all to try again. :) Hang in there!

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  9. So sorry to hear it didn't take... Praying for you both and don't give up!

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