The Baby Calls the Shots

This blog post was written by Natalie, Intended Mother

Last month we got he unfortunate news that the embryos did not take. I was heartbroken when my husband called me to tell me the news and it almost felt surreal.

I think in my heart I truly knew it didnt work. I never got that gut feeling you get when you truly know something is about to happen. I had a total breakdown the night before we found out. James tried comforting me and told me not to worry, we didnt know anything yet. I just didnt feel like it was "our" time.

I had a really hard time with this all, and I began to feel sorry for myself. I just didnt understand why we couldn't walk the easy pathway in life, why we always seem to take the rocky road. I felt this way for a few days, everytime I talked about it I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. This has been the hardest thing I have gone though. The toughest journey James and I have had in our marriage, emotionally and financially. I couldn't help but wonder why God wouldn't just let us take the easy road.

Finally, I decided I needed to pick myself up, stop feeling sorry for myself and realize what was right in front of me all along. I have an amazing beautiful son and such a supportive husband and I couldn't love them more than I do. This precious child is the most precious gift I could ever ask for. Every crazy minute in that delivery room was worth our little miracle, and I would never take back that journey for anything in the world. James is such an incredible husband who lets me hurt, but encourages me and reminds me of all the wonderful blessings we have in our lives. I have so much to be thankful for and it is easy to lose sight of that in the hard times. I had to remind myself of that and pick myself back up and keep moving forward. All I know is the baby calls the shots, and will be here when the timing is just right.

As tough as this can be to understand sometimes, I know the Lord has a great plan for us, He is shaping us for something really amazing. We are going to try this again, and give it EVERYTHING we have, and I hope with all that I am that we can give Hunter a sibling.

We will one day have the family we desire. We couldn't possibly have this desire in our hearts without something beautiful coming our way.

We began round two about two weeks ago.  As a reminder, when we did the first round, they were able to retrieve 16 eggs from me, and 14 of them were mature enough to use.  Out of those 14 eggs, 13 of them were fertilized became embryos. By the time the transfer day came, we had four embryos left and transferred two of them into Tiffany with hopes that we could freeze the remaining two embryos if we needed them.  Unfortunately, the day after the transfer the remaining two had not survived so we were unable to freeze any, which means I will have to do the egg retrieval over again.  So about two weeks ago, Tiffany began taking her nightly Lupron shots and I started taking my birth control again, Tiffany is now on her estrogen patches as well. We are taking a slightly different approach this time. I am taking an antagonist medicine called Cetrotide, which I started last Thursday. I honestly dont know a whole lot about this approach or what the difference is but it is a newer medication than the Lupron and they are just hoping for a better set of embryos as a result.

I think this time has been a little easier. I feel a little more confident in the process and myself. I think I naturally will not be putting all my eggs in one basket (haha), and this time I will not stop living my life, holding my breath waiting for this whole process to take place again. I will continue living with just an extra few appointments on our calendar, and a hopefully a blessing at the end of it all :)

I want to thank everyone for all the supportive words along the way, especially as Tiffany had her own heartbreak just a few weeks back. I know that her friends and family are what is getting her through this tough time.

I also know we have a special guardian angel watching over us right now...
Thanks for reading,
Natalie